I Meditate

I meditate, and the magic imparted by Amma’s Saraswati mantra transports me. The seed syllables, echoing the sounds of the universe, are like waves on the shore of my mind, easing my muscles into complete relaxation, and sending me into a fine trance with ease. She is in the ocean, She is in the moon, and every day I spend 30 minutes in this quiet place with Her whispering a sacred lullaby in my ears. Let every word be nectar, she whispers, let all your words be good. Find no fault in others, child, find fault only in yourself and then correct it. Harm no one at any time, child. At individual blessings last week, she said, “Do not miss even one day of meditation, children!” Like a Divine Mother Hen, she clucks these reminders in my ear every night as I meditate, and when I open my eyes, I feel Her presence stronger in my heart than before. My commitment to this discipline is renewed if for no other reason than Her insistence.

This faith, this devotion, is a wonderful thing. It keeps me afloat, peacefully navigating through this changing world.

And, of course, you know how much I need a mother in my life.

So, this is surrender.

I won’t be here in this state of my birth for too much longer. The quiet time spend I spend each night with Mother allows me the silence I need to take inventory of what I am releasing when I leave. I have no disappointment in what’s transpired, why we came here. Rather, I see the hidden lessons, I accept them, and I am now able to move on, no longer anchored by uncertainty, expectation, or fear.

This is gratitude, not regret.

Situations that once bogged me down are apparent, even transparent, obvious through greater clarity, their mystery undone. Their hold on me is dissipated, and it’s a relief. I feel lighter with each passing day, although I do not minimize the finality in the change of location and the accompanying change of mindset. These are life lessons, emotional baggage, worn down relationships, and old states of consciousness that I do not intend to revisit. I may be long in truly letting go, but once I do, it is final.

About a year ago, I wrote a blog entry on Multiply that revisited significant details of timing and predicting this move specifically. It’s rather ironic, and I share it with you here …

I know deep down that we’ll be where we’re supposed to be. If California is our destination, then circumstances will unfold, and off we’ll go. I’m not into numerology. It’s not that I don’t believe in it, I just don’t connect to it. But Leslie and I seem to do everything in two’s. We are two women. We’ve traveled between two states (Connecticut and California), twice. We had two cats before, now we have two dogs. Both my grandfather and Leslie’s dad, two men, died two weeks apart from one another, two years after Leslie and I got together. We’ve taken care of two women more or less, first her mom, and now my grandmother. If all goes according to schedule, we should be heading back to California in May or June of 2008, two years after moving here. And that, by the way, is precisely how many years we have to live in this house before we can avoid paying capital gains tax when we leave. "

“We cannot change the world;
We can only change ourselves.”
Blessed Souls, Vol. 4

“Do not injure anyone,
In any way,
At any time.”
Blessed Souls, Vol. 5

“It is not your duty to correct others.
Only God, who created all, has this duty.”
Blessed Souls, Vol. 1

“Whatever it in our heart,
Emerges in our words.”
Blessed Souls, Vol. 5

It’s late here now. Already I’m turning into a night owl, staying up later and getting up later. It’s natural for me. I bought this neato little booklet called “Pearls of Wisdom” when I was in New York. It’s a small book of Amma’s words that I really like. Some of my favorite quotes are above. Sweet dreams to you.

Good night.