New Temperance: Walking to The Front of My Brain

I’m finally in the home stretch.

I’ve got five interviews with local office leadership over the next three days. With any luck I’ll know if I’m being laid off, thereby joining the ranks of the unemployed, by the end of the month.

I am curiously and objectively aware that a huge part of my subconscious brain is preoccupied with this. I feel much like I did when I was 18 and getting ready for the first day of business school; nervous and a bit lightheaded, kind of queasy, and cognizant of being on the edge of change, like it or not, while the rest of me watches from the outside. I tried to get the same memo off my desk all morning with no luck, so I finally gave up and went walking … and thinking.

If this is over by February first, I will have endured over a year of merger angst, seven months of intensive change navigation, and at least three months of complete office stagnation in what was no doubt the most challenging period of my career. During that period, and with notable frequency, the Temperance card came up in my personal readings. It felt like the Great Mother shaking her finger at me, admonishing me to slow down, but offering no respite. Clearly, I wasn’t to be released from this and why?

I had something to learn.

About a week ago, I came across an entirely deeper meaning to the Temperance tarot card.

What is traditionally known as the Temperance card is a reference to the Soul. Classically female, she is mixing up a blend of subtle energies for the evolution of the personality. One key to interpreting this card can be found in its title, a play on the process of tempering metals in a forge. Metals must undergo extremes of temperature, folding and pounding, but the end product is infinitely superior to impure ore mined from the earth … the soul volunteers the ego for a cleansing and healing experience which may turn the personality inside-out, but which brings out the gold hidden within the heart. <source>

I feel like iron in a forge, and yes, much of the time I feel screwed, which is why this photo is appropriate. I bumped into it when I was walking. I look at this sculpture every day from the downtown San Francisco building I work in but I didn’t “see” it until now.

This process has changed me. I’ve matured professionally and am no longer deeply invested in the approval of others at work, not the way I was when I started this job two and a half years ago. My personality has certainly evolved. When the merger was announced, I came out of the gate strongly, overcompensating for my fears, when I should have been watching and listening. I’m a lot less stressed than I was when they first announced this mess a year and a half ago, and I’ve grown infinitely better at waiting, as well. Has this process brought out hidden gold in my heart? Perhaps it has. I’m less demanding of my staff and am better at letting little things go. Yes, my ego took a beating, but if it’s for the cleansing and healing of my personality, then I would say it’s a good thing. It's not an easy thing, but all in all, it’s good.

I have learned, and I suppose that if one is willing to learn, one must be willing to make plenty of mistakes and take a hit from time to time.

After my walk was done, I returned to the office and my subconscious distractions had moved to the front of my brain where they could be constructively expressed. I realize I’m not afraid like I was before. I will do my best in these interviews over the next few days, but I have no control over the political workings of this “merger of equals” and how they will undoubtedly affect the outcome. That doesn’t mean I won’t have myself a personal pity party if I'm released, but I know it’s no reflection of my capabilities and it’s not the end of my career.

Word is that one door is closed so another may open.

I find myself curious about what may be on the other side of this particular door.

TEMPERANCE
CARD #14
KEYWORDS: Flexibility, Moderation, Transcendence

The magic of the Tarot lies in its timeless symbolism. When we look closely and contemplate tarot symbols, they help us awaken intuitive channels and unlock the secrets of our higher selves. The Great Mother gave us more than a tool for divination. She provided us with a visual roadmap to understanding as we navigate our way through a constantly changing world.

The tarot’s major arcana cards represent universal experiences that we all go through, no matter what our background or how we were raised.

Change, like death and taxes, is something we can count on but don’t necessarily look forward to. It often affects us directly in very tangible ways igniting a series of internal changes in its wake. When circumstances push us through hoops, doors, and open windows, we are pulled out of our comfort zone. We may react strongly, with unexpected emotions, and we may find ourselves acting out in unanticipated ways. Stress, after all, can do strange things to even the most stable individual.

In this modern, pop-culture rendition of the Temperance Card, actress Catherine Deneuve is an angel praying serenely over a chalice of flowing water. Her classic beauty and peaceful repose reminds us to slow down. The birds in this card signify the elements of air and thought, and they remind us to respond rather than react. Insinuate the intellect wisely when the raging waters of emotion threaten to carry us away. Catherine’s praying hands are held up to her forehead, indicating the third eye, which is open. In this, she acknowledges that integrating internal change is critical to maintaining emotional stability. She is also secure in the knowledge that the watchful Raven (the eyes of the Morrigan or Dark Mother) is a representative of the Goddess, who is always watching over us.

It is no coincidence that the Temperance Card falls between the Death Card (#13) (transformation through change) and the Devil Card (#15) (enduring problems) in a tarot deck. When viewing the major arcana in a linear fashion, it becomes apparent that the placement of this card gives us an opportunity to deal with and process emotional change. Take time to watch for signs, markers, totems and patterns that are significant to our personal journey. These signals point the way. Let go of what should be released, such as failed relationships, unsuccessful work arrangements, and uncomfortable or awkward circumstances. Know that irreconcilable differences or contradictory opposites, whether they are inner archetypes stretched by duality or personalities that make working together difficult, can be transcended.

Concurrently, these issues can isolate us when ignored. They keep us from moving forward by instilling fear and making us too frightened to take emotional chances again. When left to fester, they become the even bigger issues that vex us symbolized by the Devil Card (in which case a hearty sense of humor is very helpful).

When the Temperance card appears in a reading, remember the words fluidity, agility, and flexibility and go with the flow.



Read more about the creative process here.
View the Major Arcana Gallery on my art site here.