Thursday, December 30, 2010

My New Year's Wish

I'll be 50 in a few years.

When I hit 60 or so, I want to be Endora.

I want to lounge blithely on bannisers, come and go in a loud clap of thunder and smoke (typically with the drama turned up), get away with indulging my every whim, and fly through the ethers with my daughter, who will be dressed in all black to offset my purple and green (which, by the way,are my signature colors and always have been).

This is my New Year's wish ... make it so!


Monday, December 27, 2010

Reflecting on 2010

It’s the week between Christmas and New Year’s here in San Francisco, and the streets are so quiet it’s like a Sunday. Seems everybody took this week off. Even the ride into the city was unusually quick and effortless. As usual, I find myself reflecting at this time of year. Maybe it’s the gloss of Christmas just past. But last year at this time, I had to work to relax with the quiet, while now I find it easy and would just as happily curl up in front of a movie as write this blogpost.

Merry Christmas!

2010 has been a powerful year. Definitely not easy, but most powerful. Uncertainty and ambiguity at work has been a source of constant stress, yet I’ve learned more from it than I ever thought possible. Same job, same building, same street in downtown San Francisco, true; however, the experience has been cathartic. I find myself feeling more confident professionally than I did a year ago, and credit it to the realization that it’s not about whether I stay or go. It’s about my professional confidence. So, ironically last year at this time I was wrapping up change around personal worthiness in my relationships, and still pondering what I had to let go, and this year it’s about professional worthiness, which, I’m proud to say, is still intact.

So happy!
On the home front, we’re all doing well. Elizabeth has Leslie and I on our toes as she navigates the perils of teen angst at Middle School. A year ago she fretted about changing school systems, and now as her girlfriends go through their own weirdness, she’s actually looking forward to it. Our daughter is poised, confident, and her grades are outstanding. We had her completely faked out over Christmas. We whined for months that the uncertainty at work meant Christmas would be frugal. Instead, she got everything she wanted and more, so naturally Leslie and I enjoyed it vicariously, as well. Leslie is in good health, and this year has been blessed with an opportunity to deal with past baggage. This is the kind of situation that happens very rarely, and she’s handled it with compassion and strength. I’ve been so proud of how she’s conducted herself. She made a friend in the process, as well, which is bonus. The doggies are great, too. Still spoiled. Jack has successfully avoided major abdominal surgery this year, which is a blessing, and Daizy is still pushing him around.

Daizy is happy in her new sweater and toy,
while Jack mopes because Daizy
isn't sharing.
I’ve been blessed with new friendships this year. Surprisingly, some of the connections I’ve made on Facebook have developed unexpectedly into more substantial friendships. I’ve met and gotten to know such talented artists, and have learned so much from them. I’ve grown closer with cousins from my father’s side of the family, too, after keeping them at an arm’s length for many years. Now, I find we have more in common than our profile. I’m more convinced than ever that Facebook is a spiritual tool of the new age, whose purpose is to provide connectivity to people all over the globe at a time when they need it the most, when the world is changing so quickly and profoundly. In the real world, by the way, I’ve been blessed with a close personal friend. A real person here, near to where we live, and someone we can go to lunch with once in a while. Isn’t that marvelous? I needed a special friend so badly, and this person is a gift direct from the goddess. She listens, doesn’t waste words on useless chatter, appreciates my art, and knows when I’m being ridiculous and doesn’t hold it against me when I am. She’s smart and capable, and an unexpected source of creative inspiration, as well.

My creativity has boomed this year, by the way. I’ve done a lot of work with stickers and collages, a medium that I find most liberating, and I’ve made all kinds of greeting cards. My inner muse, Francine, has been quiet, but I think it’s because so much of my nervous energy has been used up stressing over work.

Sitting here in the office where it’s so quiet, I’m surprised to find myself looking forward to 2011. I am fully aware the axe could fall any day, but I’m not dwelling on it. Sure, I’m a little scared, but rather, I’ve taken my future well in hand, and am focused on all the possibilities.

I believe 2011 will be about love, really, love, family and friendship, which are most important to me.

And as far that goes, I’m already wealthy beyond reckoning.

Love to you and yours on this holiday,
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