Change is like Puppy Poop

I woke up to the world about fifteen years ago and stopped reacting and began responding instead.  Suddenly, my heart was plugged in where once it was held back for safe keeping.  It was a primarily spiritual awakening, but it was emotional, too, as I’m convinced that our spiritual and emotional bodies are intrinsically linked.  I began to notice the repeated presence of certain animals almost immediately and gradually I realized each had symbolic and personal meaning.

We had a macaw from 2002 to 2005. He was a beautiful bird, had lots of personality and was very deep emotionally. He was also an intense task master who demanded my full attention. When I strayed, he bit me. Have you ever been bitten by a macaw?  It’s extremely painful.  His name was General, and he was one of my greatest teachers.  From then on, I saw birds everywhere. 

Wild parrots, a sign of the Goddess, are all over San Francisco.  I bumped into them frequently near the Embarcaderos where they took over a local park and on Dolores Street where they’d invaded palm trees. They were all over Connecticut, too, nesting in telephone poles and causing all sorts of trouble.   Hawks frequently circle the mountains near our home, and I can hear them vocalizing when I walk the dogs.  Great Blue Herons have been a personal spiritual signpost since I saw my first in the year 2000.  They affirm I am right where I should be.   While we lived in Connecticut, I worked on an enormous 1,500 person pharmaceutical campus in Wallingford, and every day on the way in, a Great Blue heron stood in the pond assuring me that even though I didn’t like being there, I was there for a reason.  Here, I was gifted with very special time with my grandmother.  Symbolically, birds are a sign of the intellect or thoughts, and they remind us to be watchful, particularly hawks with their visual acuity.  I believe they want to put us in touch with our blessings.

Dogs, on the other hand, are all feeling.  They understand the world through their nose, but they feel and communicate with their heart.  Jack, our Golden Retriever, was a very direct communicator, and when he needed to go out for a walk, he made direct eye contact with me and wouldn’t let up until I put my shoes on.  Daizy, our Boston Terrier, is quite cerebral, and when she wants something, like more food, she points to it with her nose. Of course, we saw the depth of her heart when she grieved over losing Jack, who recently passed away.  Teddy, the new puppy, is learning very quickly and uses his eyes, nose, paws, voice, and other bodily functions to communicate his needs quite effectively. He’s got all bases covered. 

A few night ago, as we drove homeward on highway 101 down the hill into Pacifica, I saw a coyote.  It was standing atop a bluff silhouetted by the dusk sky.  I hear plenty of coyotes singing at night, but I’ve never seen one. This was clear as day, however, and it caught my eye immediately.

The coyote is considered a trickster by native americans. He reminds us to tackle life’s challenges with a sense of humor, much like the Devil card in the tarot’s major arcana.  Some believe he brings shifts of balance and consequently an ending somewhere, representing the natural cycle of life and death.

The next morning, my grandmother passed away in her sleep.  In the 10 years she was in convalescent care, she fought raging UTI infections and sepsis, hallucinations brought on by powerful antibiotics, and increasingly intense dementia.  She’d returned from death’s door more times than I can count, but she left this world with little fanfare or drama. Her heart simply stopped as she slept, and she departed quietly and peacefully in the night.  Thelma’s death wasn’t unexpected, but it shifts the balance in my life a number of ways by closing the door on the past, yet urging me to remember how she helped me when I was a child. It puts me poignantly in touch with my gratitude. 

Thelma’s obituary was posted on line and whoever wrote it rendered her grandchildren (my brothers and I) anonymous despite our having played a major role in her later life.  There is a lot of water under that bridge. Floods. I found this incredibly irritating and most hurtful, and I started to get hung up on it.

While walking the dogs yesterday, I noticed two Red Tailed Hawks riding the drafts together and singing songs of companionship with screeches and chirps. They were beautiful.  Then, I lowered my head just in time to see a monarch butterfly cross in front of me.  When I looked up again, there were four hawks instead of just two, and they were singing and playing in pairs.  It was breathtaking and gave me pause. 

Like the coyote, the butterfly’s message is about evolution and change.  While they are beautiful, they pass through an entire lifecycle very quickly, embodying the ability to navigate change successfully.  In fact, change happens whether we want it to or not. It is best to roll with it, lest it roll right over us.  The hawks remind me to remain focused on what makes me happy, but not to the detriment of my responsibilities.  There is always the need to balance economics with creativity, which was something my grandmother was good at in her day, and something I struggle with currently.

So, what’s the short version here?  First, change, like puppy poop in the house, happens.  Accept it.  If you don’t watch for it, you’ll step in it.  If you do, don’t dwell on it, just deal with it.  Like puppies that get into everything, blessings are everywhere, but if your heart isn’t open, you’ll miss them.  We may not get what we want in life, but we’ll get what we need. This requires faith, which is another good reason to keep your heart open.  Life is a gift, and our time here is limited.  But, like the hawks and the butterfly, perhaps if we observe change, our blessings will double.

Eyes open.

Heart open.

Faith.

It’s all good.

Transformational Velocity

You must attend a Homa to truly appreciate one. Without knowledge of Vedic scripture or Hindu ritual, an intuitive person will simply know they are in the presence of a significant event. The preparation is extensive, the vibe is exquisite, and its lasting effects are unpredictably potent on all levels. This was the most intense and final day of my visit with Sri Karunamayi in the San Francisco Bay Area, and it has inspired an unusual stream of consciousness, even for me.

There is something in the air that speaks of transformational velocity, as well, a phrase I picked up from Robert Phoenix Astrology. Our existence is pregnant with transformation and the rate of change grows faster exponentially; however, for me, it was the Homa that put the big spin on it.

The Significance of Homas

A homa is a sacred fire ceremony in which various forms of the Divine are invoked in a sacred fire that has been kindled according to the guidelines in the Vedic scriptures. Certain special offerings are made into the fire while Sanskrit mantras are chanted. The combination of the powerful energy of the fire and the Sanskrit mantras creates extremely auspicious and purifying vibrations that are beneficial to all who attend the homa. The smoke that rises from a homa contains a powerful healing energy, and as it rises to the heavens it purifies the atmosphere, both physically and subtly, encouraging a peaceful environment and gentle weather. Even the damaging effects of natural catastrophes can be reduced through the performance of homas. The energetic vibrations that are invoked during a traditional Vedic fire ceremony represent the most powerful presence of the Divine on Earth. The element of fire is associated with the upward motion of the divine kundalini energy and is considered to be the most powerfully purifying element. Every kind of negative karma can be purified by the sacred homa fire, due to divine grace. Source

The Fire Goddess, Agni, is in the Homa fire. We feel Her more than see Her when She is coaxed from the flame with ritual offerings, but seeing Her is quite possible, as well. In early Hindu religion, Agni is a God, a male deity, whose extreme importance comes from the role of fire in sacrifices and rituals. He is the fire that consumes the offerings to the gods, and therefore he is the mediator between heaven and earth. In the Tibetan faith, Agni is a female goddess, a manifestation of the Goddess Tara, a form of the Great Mother, and universal shakti, who embodies the transformative element of fire in all its forms. When we feed Agni our desires, She transforms us. If our heart is open, this manifestation of the Divine Mother will work on our very cells, our karma, that which is written in our bones, to burn away karmic layer after layer.

When I look into the Homa fire, I see a dancing female figure, whose limbs and hair are alight with the creative fire of transmutation. In this photo of Amma’s Homa fire from her recent visit to Memphis, Tennesee, I actually see Agni, dancing there. Look at it closely. Wait. See.

As I mentioned in a previous post on Amma’s visit, there is one devotee whose transformation is astounding. The last time I saw her, and I won’t mention names to protect privacy, she seemed frightened, terrified even, as she pushed and shoved her way to get as close to Mother as possible. I’ve seen her crying in corners during programs, her anguish a rupture of spirit that moved me. I’ve seen this in others, too. Her pain was just like my own. This devotee made a trip to India recently to be with Amma, and I’m wagering the trip changed her.

But how?

While I know so much of Amma’s transmutation abilities are unfathomable to us, I also believe it’s about worthiness. It was for me to a degree, and I see a reflection of my own transformation is this devotee’s eyes. When the Living Goddess takes an interest in us, our self-worth is lit with a tiny flame of recognition which gradually blossoms into a full bonfire, giving us courage to attempt more in our lives. We must take the first step toward the catalyst we should embrace to gain release, but it is Her love, Her faith in us as individuals, that gives us the courage to do so. Suddenly, as reflected back in Her eyes, we become worthy. Then, on an accelerated basis and because we’ve opened the door to our hearts, so much more karmic baggage is lifted from us. This is my limited understanding.

If this isn’t transformation velocity, I don’t know what is.

During the Homa, I experienced a moment of grief as karmic cables were snapped with finality. I had a spiritual sister once, when I was young and unawakened, and during this Homa, I wished she were there with me. The longing was poignant and unexpected because I’ve been so upset with her for so long. Objectively, I found this surprising but my feelings were more of the accelerated emotional acceptance I wrote about previously. I watch this individual’s transformation from the sidelines (via the internet because I still can’t tear myself away), and I am filled with warmth for her happiness and creativity. I missed her desperately at that moment in response to the cut ties, and then felt grieving set in followed finally by acceptance, all very quickly.

Transformational velocity.

I found myself yet again pondering the connectivity in all things, the mundane and esoteric, and that which keeps us all intrinsically linked and what it is that can finally break those ties once and for all. The phrase “as above, so below” took on greater meaning. I believe there are numerous explanations for any given thing. Just like there are numerous aspects of Devi, so that we may find one that suits us best. Indeed, there are universal truths, as well, but I believe when dealing with the subjectivity of the human experience, those universal truths are interpreted in a myriad of ways. Intent matters always.

My mind wanders further, and I find myself engaged in a conversation with my DragonGuide, Gregor. Learn more about Gregor and dragon symbolism here.

I wonder if suffering is part of the job for Amma? I know it is for Ammachi. I mean, She sits for up to 24 hours at a time, and bears a perpetual bruise on her face for all the hugging she does. Then, I worry. If Jesus gave his life on the cross to absolve us of our sins, then why are Amma and Ammachi here? Which one will be the sacrifice for us this time?

“You worry about things you can do nothing about,” Gregor rumbles in his deep, baritone voice.

I am in the car again driving down Highway 280, and Gregor is spinning pinwheels in the fog that lay gracefully over mountains to the left of us. I am reflecting, and he responds telepathically, which has become second nature to me. He rather enjoyed last weekend’s blistering heat, as much as I despised it, but is infinitely more fond of cloud cover and the way his gigantic, beating wings leave patterns behind him as he spins.

Amma is an incarnation of Saraswati, who has a special affinity for rivers and water. Then, at work recently, I was involved in doing an Earth Day mini-expo, and researched the Great Garbage Patch in the Pacific. I mean, have you looked at that? If Amma is in rapport with the Earth, and she states Mother Earth is screaming with her burden, then what does it do to Her? Is part of Her reason for being here to bear the burden of our stupidity? Oh goodness, I don’t know if I can stand that.

“Mmmmm,” Gregor begins, “Ssssssshe knowsssss what Ssssshe is doing. The Great Mother would think it sssssilly that you dwell on this, child.”

He is right, of course, and he goes on.

“Yet Sssssshe asssssks you to throw up your hands to laugh out loud for nothing, and then laughssss outloud Herself. Mother tellsss you the ssssame stories again and again in the event even only one of you needsss to hear it just so to be inspired.”

Indeed. She will nod at me and shake her head, “yes, you are good” and “no, I will not leave you” as I approach her for individual blessings time after time. She is there for us one-on-one and globally. She is one aspect of many on earth, both hidden and visible, at this unique and accelerated time in our spiritual history.

Gregor is finished entertaining this stream of consciousness and retreats into the mountains, into the back of my head. My grandfather. My dragon.

I miss him immediately.

My visit with Amma and the Homa wrapped up with yet more animal symbolism, taking me back again to the card reading my friend Avia did for me. Squirrels followed me everywhere, reminding me to dig up those nuts I’ve put away for safe keeping. Then, I was poking around the book store and found a beautiful picture of Amma with a squirrel. As I was purchasing two (one for Avia, and one for myself), one of the guys behind the counter said, “Hey, you caught that, too, hm? I saw a black squirrel just over there,” he declared pointing outwardly.

There was also one curious duck, a water bird, which simply couldn’t stay away from the Homa fire, which I thought was interesting given the polarities involved. She was a mallard, and kept circling the fire to land on the roof top just above Amma, where she bobbed and weaved, peaking at the activity. I received interesting messages from that little girl, there. There were many, many bees about. Those sacred messengers took Amma’s message far and wide in their unstoppable way, some with wings that are physically too small to carry their body’s weight … yet they do. There was one very determined crow, as well, the symbolism for which followed me from home, where one very serious black, feathered messenger perched itself on the front fence to holler at me with determination. Maybe it was a raven. So many birds. Animal symbolism is the common thread in our lives if we pay attention, but animal symbolism in the presence of the Divine Mother takes on even greater significant assuredly.

Back to the now …

Yesterday, we were in Daly City still looking at houses in a very frustrating real estate market. Our real estate agent is exactly who we need at precisely this moment in time. She and my Leslie share a wonderful rapport, which makes sense given it was Leslie’s fathomless and innate real estate magic that drew her to us. The woman works from a large heart obviously, is very loyal to her clients, and has no intention of leaving us even though she’s investing huge amounts of time for what will be a minimal pay off. The Mercury Retrograde is making this a long process the chief ingredient of which is patience, clearly something Leslie and I are still working on in this life. Yet it doesn’t seem to bother this stalwart and long experienced woman. She is a strong, enduring Austrian, who hikes with 40 pounds of brick on her back to prepare for mountain climbing season. Her cell phone ring is a yodel. No lie. She’s made of stronger stuff than impatience.

I’m feeling that ping, as well, which tells me I’ve met this person before, in a life before this one, which hasn’t happened in some time.

As we were driving through Daly city, there beside the road and in the middle of a hill, was one very tall Great Blue Heron. It was completely out of place, and there was no body of water in the vicinity. I took a deep breath, feeling reassured, as the Great Blue Heron is a long standing and very familiar animal marker that even Leslie recognizes. It never, ever appears out of coincidence.

I mentioned seeing the bird to our mountain climbing, Austrian real estate agent, and she looked at me like I was bonkers.

Clearly not the superstitious type.

I’ll keep myself reigned in.

Ah well.

Transformational Velocity.